David Brooks - The Social Animal

In a cab ride to a lunchtime event I heard a snapshot of a great interview. The interviewee said something that deeply resonated.

"There is a gigantic bias in our (american) culture towards hard measurable things. We need that. But I am also for music, art and playtime. The real key to our wisdom is how to educate our emotions... We educate our emotions by art, literature by movie character and by surrounding ourselves with certain kinds of people and not other kinds of people. That is how our emotions get smarter. Why do kids stay in high-school? Mainly due to ABC - atheletics, band and cheerleeding. This gives them meaning and keeps them in school. The art and atheletics keeps kids emotionally connected to school

Whoever this guy was - he was summing up my life !!! It was all my dancing and creative stuff that kept me happy, fulfilled and engaged throughout my school years. I remember in Law School that in one year my grades suffered as I had cut down all my creative activities and focused only on law. The final year I went back to dancing and creating and I thrived and got the top prize for a very complex legal subject. It taught me a very important lesson - that my brain is wired in a certain way and that it functions better with a certain mix of activities.

He also gave me an insight into the psyche of American men brought up in suburbia. He said that they don't feel that they are equipped to express emotions or how to deal with it. He pointed out that there is indeed a cultural norm in America that one should be self sufficient and should not express emotions. As a result American men develop a phobia towards emotions and tend to withdraw when they are confronted with certain emotions.

Finally he spoke about how different cultures see things differently. For example, Americans he said looked at the Mona Lisa and looked mainly at her eyes and her mouth. Other cultures look at things all around the Mona Lisa. I definitely fell into the latter category - ie context mattered alot more for me in the total appreciation of the work. He cited another fascinating experiment -how when you place a tank of gold fish in front of Americans and Chinese you get very different reactions. The Americans immediately focussed on the biggest fish and the details that it presented. The Chinese looked at everything around the fish including the fish.

Finally I found it really funny that he said that Washington DC, where he lives, is the most emotionally avoidant city on Earth. When I jumped out of the cab I looked up the author and his new book - The Social Animal - The Hidden Sources of Love, Character and Achievement.