Sacred Art on Sacred Grounds

23rd October was a magical morning. Two days ago my friend had responded to a random musing of mine - that I wanted someone to take photos of me in my favorite temple. The Kali Temple in Serangoon. Marcel, a very creative and intuitive soul from Holland jumped at the opportunity. Little India is a magical oasis in the early morning - before the crowds flood in and the shops open. It is deeply quiet and if you are able to get there for the morning puja - quite magical. We managed to get there early. Something about the light that morning (not too harsh sunlight) and the energy of the temple blew both of us away. The moment we stepped over into the temple from the street - we felt enfolded in the arms of the divine. I could see Marcel felt what I felt. He knew how to photograph without asking questions. He knew there were things that lie beyond words. Feelings and energetic vibrations that need to be felt and maybe captured in a creative work of art. One of the photos captured the essence of our experience. Among the priests and a small handful of devotees it felt natural to be dancing for the divine. As opposed to posing for a photographer.

Half Man- Half Woman

Yin Yang. Masculine-Feminine. Thandava-Lasya. Active-Passive. Many ways to describe the concept of duality. To me the most profound and intense manifestation of this is in the figure of the Ardanariswara. I first fell in love with this image in the great Chola temple of Gangaikondacholapuram. The inherent beauty in the half-male and half female form struck me. It was truly harmonious. Unlike the split personality or half-man/half woman mime artists that you see. I acquired a beautiful chola bronze sculpture of the Ardanariswara a few weeks ago. However, I still did not know the mythology behind the figure. And how it came about. Rama, one of elders in my family and a deeply spiritual being had come to visit me. He took one look at my sculpture and said that it is a very profound piece. It encapsulates a deep and important philosophy in Hinduism. But he was unable to break it down for me beyond affirming my choice.

A few days after that I was in the Ceylon Road temple in Singapore. It was a few days before Deepavali. While buying my archana I saw a little write up about the Kethara-Gowery Nonbu. A fast that Goddess Parvathi had observed for 21 days for her Lord Shiva. According to the poorana, the Goddess did not want to be separated from her husband. Ever. He approached a great saint who advised her to fast for 21 days. At the end of the 21st day, Lord Siva shown his grand appearance and accepted her prayers. He gave her half portion of his appearance and that was the birth of the Artha Nareeiswarer. The temple had organized for its female devotees to fast for 21 days before Deepavali and to break the fast on Deepavali at the temple with a Linga Puja. Beautiful !!! Although I did not partake in the fast I went to the temple on Deepavali to partake in the linga puja and to see Lord Shiva and Parvathi take a procession around the temple decked out in the finest.

The story also explains the power of fasting. Fasting is a central feature of Hinduism. My mom is vegetarian (a form of fasting from meat) on two days of the week - Fridays and Sat. This has been consistently doing this for over 50 years. Nothing drastic like turning vegetarian over night. But something steady - like giving up meat and rich foods twice a week in honor of the divine. Many of my other relatives fast regularly for various Hindu festivals and events - like Navarathri, Kanda Shasti and Karthigai - special occasions on the Tamil calender. I never understood why.

It seems that the glory of fasting is splendid. Prayer combined with fasting brings long life to husband and wife. Family bonding will be enhanced. It brings good wealth and health too. I suspect that fasting helps one focus on the reasons why one is fasting. The wish that one had placed before God. The constant reminder throughout the day reinforces the positive intent and affirms the goals you are seeking to accomplish. Today these are called positive thinking and the "Secret."

On 22 Sept I did an abhishegam for Goddess Durga. My favorite goddess who resides in the Kali temple at Serangoon Road. It so happened that the day I chose also coincided with Navarathri. And for Navarathri the temple was doing a "special puja" for the Goddess of Courage. Navarathri always has a special place in my heart. My first dance performance as a little girl of 4 was at an Amman temple during Navarathri. Also as dancers we always honored our gurus on the 10th day of Navarathri.

The "special puja" turned out to be a massive yagna (a fire sacrifice) as well as a Maha Mehru puja. It seems the Srichakra in three dimension form is inspired by the mythical Mount Mehru - a sacred mountain. And Durga resides at the apex of this great mountain. Hence, there were many senior priests all chanting with intense devotion at the time I arrived at the puja. The vibration at the puja was intense as the yagna had been lit and stoked with ghee and had already received many sacrifices. Many devotees were also sitting with their scriptures and chanting the verses for the puja. The head priest has observed serious austerities in preparation of this puja. He was on a silent fast and ate only one meal a day without salt or any sauces. The goal is to cleanse yourself and deepen one's focus on the divine.

I bought a tray of sari and offerings for the Goddess which was then thrown into the yagna. The abhisegham was also conducted in my family name at the end of the Maha Mehru puja. It was a moving event to observe and participate it. I had always felt a strong affinity to Mountains. And this event married the Mountain with the Goddess who resides at the apex. Mountains have such strong spiritual energies and have always moved me. The first time I felt the amazing power of mountains was on the ancient tribal Navaho lands in the American Southwest. At that time I did not know about the Hindu connection to the mountain and how it is regarded as a focal point of cosmic powers. Another time when the power of mountains inspired me was in 2007 when I spent a few months in Santa Fe. This time I not only found the mountains inspiring but also deeply healing and restorative to my tired soul. Sitting at the Maha Mehru puja that day helped me recall and meditate on the power of these mountains.

Loving the Desert

The first time I encountered the desert was in 1997 - just after graduating from Harvard. I did a road trip with a galfriend to Arizona, Colorado, Utah and New Mexico. This trip was a defining moment in my life. For a gal brought up in a tiny city-state-country like Singapore, the vast plains and desert landscapes were deeply inspiring and invigorating. We drove for hours on end on empty stretches of long straight desert roads singing along to American radio. It felt like we owned the world. The desert mountains and wide big big sky was inspiring, empowering and ancient. Monument Valley, Mezza Verde, Havasupai, Sedonna and Antelope Canyon blew my mind away. There was something raw, true and powerful in the history, size and silent landscapes of these intense desert terrain. I felt closer to God and the soul of the World. I did not know at that time that many ancient religious traditions and scriptures had stories about fasting in the desert and its impact on the soul. How Christ has fasted for 40 days in the desert.

As Cameite monk Father William McNamara comments without the silence, utter simplicity and emptiness of the desert, one cannot differentiate the essentials from the non-essentials. The distinction between trivial and profound is rediscovered. Mediocrity becomes impossible in the desert where everything is reduced to life and death. Man than rises up and out of his sluggish culture and regains his authenticity and sensitivity. Without the desert experience according to Father McNamara a a man cannot achieve his destiny or fulfill his vocation. I was called again to the desert in January 2007 when I spent a significant amount of time in Santa Fe - reconnecting with the Native Americans and my art. Again it was a profoundly moving experience. This time I also went to visit spiritual communities and places of worship in the desert. The Christ Desert Monastery was a moving tribute to the power of faith in the desert. I was very moved by the Gregorian chants and the stark simple church that could only be reached via a 30min very bumpy ride along a dirt road. The whole place was charged - it was living proof of the intense power of God in nature and deepening one's faith within the deep silence of the desert.

The Fasting Path

"What the eyes are for the outer world, fasts are for the inner" Gandhi

Among my family members and the wider Indian-HIndu spiritual community that I have grown up in, fasting is a common practice. Fasting does not connote food-free days. Fasting days are days when you give up your favorite food or you eat more simple/spartan food. My mom is vegetarian twice a week - on Fridays and Saturdays. These days are dedicated to God. She stays away from meat and eats simply to honor the divine. Nothing extreme but done consistently over more than 45 years of her life. I have other friends who eat only milk and fruits on certain important days on the Hindu religious calendar. Yet others who eat only one meal in the evening and do not drink even water from 5am (start of fast) to 8pm (breaking fast). Both the start of the fast and the breaking of fast is done with God as witness. By offering the fast to the Lord via prayer. I have never done a full fast. I am sure I will one day when I feel ready. But a few years ago I started to be vegetarian on Tuesdays (for Durga) and Fridays. I feel that it has been very good for me. It has taught me discipline, self-control and to be more mindful of what I eat. I also have learnt to enjoy vegetarian food. When I abstain from meat on these days I am reminded of the divine, both within as well as the higher power above.

Recently I picked up "Stephen Buhner's The Fasting Path." This book discusses how fasting makes one more spiritually attuned. He discusses the spiritual, emotional and physiological aspects of fasting. In particular it increases one's sensitivity to the sacred world and allowed the fasting person to regain a sense of orientation and purpose. During deep fasting the rational mind is left behind and a different intelligence, located in the heart, is activated. The heart is a deeper organ of perception and it allows one to develop a new sight - that enables us to see the divine in many things. Solo retreat into the wilderness and fasting is common in many ancient cultures including Buddhist, HIndus, Christians and Native Americans. This allows the souls to detoxify and strip the inessentials away, making the essential more luminous. Our path and purpose if life become clearer.

Buhner also discusses how to open up the heart as an organ of perception during the fast. First he says set your intention for the fast. Carry this intention at the forefront of your mind while you fast. This focus is important otherwise one gets nothing out of this fast except hunger and thirst. There is no new insight, no deeper acceptance of your victories and failures, no great clarity on the path ahead. So marrying intention with fasting is critical for self renewal and an increased maturity and strength of character. I feel it is best to do fasts incrementally but consistently so that they become a pleasant and valuable opportunities for self-growth and reflection.

Prathabi Jois - Path to Internal Cleansing & Self Knowledge

A few days ago Prathabi Jois passed away. I had mixed feelings. I had never known him personally and had no desire to meet him. I had practiced Ashtanga quite a bit in the past few years but it was a secondary discipline for me. Dance was always my primary spiritual and physical discipline. It helped me connect with music, movement, mudras in a far more integrated and graceful way. I found ashtanga way too masculine and competitive. There was an acrobatic quality about it that did not resonate with my aesthetic sensibilities. More importantly Jois who came across as a rigid Brahmin man did not resonate with me. But I respected and agreed with some of his statements which converged with what my own dance gurus have instilled deeply within me - Practice and All is Coming.

Many of his students who gone onto carve out lucrative careers teaching yoga in the West. My time studying with them was very informative - not on yoga but about the human psychology. As my yoga teacher friend said most people don't come to yoga from a happy place. Most come there to feel better about themselves - as refuge from deep unhappiness in their lives. Similarly, many teachers I met had were calling themselves MASTER yoga teachers after spending less than 5 years teaching or learning yoga. The lack of humility was stunning and culturally offensive. In India if you must have at least 50 years and a string of award winning students before you will be called a master. This is a collective recognition from the community - not a label you put on yourself.

I remember going to Mysore to spend sometime with my friend, a disciple of Prahtabi Jois. What struck me most was how separate and unintegrated the white ashtanga practioners were from the local Mysore folks. This really surprised me and bothered me. The ashtanga group also had a cult-like feel to it. With invisible boundaries marking insiders and outsiders. And I found it really strange how all the insiders seem to be non-Indian white folks. Many of these practitioners were serious and dedicated yogis who had truly helped promote Jois and his system of yoga. For that I think India and Indians must be eternally grateful. It is through use and distribution of wisdom and knowledge that we keep traditions and systems alive. Ashtanga due to Jois' charisma and dedication has became an important cultural and spiritual phenomena and has inspired renewed interest in India and all things Indian.

Sharath, Jois grandson, is poised to take over from Jois. Even from a distance I resonate more with Sharath and his challenges. Unlike Jois he was born in a different era with significant exposure to the West. It is a heavy responsibility for someone in his mid 30s to helm a rigorous and sacred discipline like Ashtanga. But he has been trained by the master himself and has lived the traditional life while touring and promoting Ashtanga in the West. He is a product of my generation. To me he exudes a more open, humble and radiant energy that I can relate to. I understand the tension that arises from keeping a tradition "pure" while evolving it to meet current demands and world challenges. I am curious to see how he shapes the next generation of ashtanga yoga practitioners and builds on Jois' foundation. The world today is a fundamentally different place from the one Jois inhabited at the height of his fame. Today the world is far more integrated and far more troubled - both economically and environmentally. How the yoga community responds to these challenges while staying rooted in an ancient tradition is a true challenge for a new leader. One could retreat into "tradition" and shut out worldly troubles or one could use the tradition to navigate and transcend the chaos. It remains to be seen.

40th Wedding Anniversary

Today my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. In a world littered with broken promises and half-hearted commitments, this is a major achievement. Especially because it was not a mere passage of years. But a true celebration of a deep and abiding love. And the ability to rise about petty grievances and forgive slights. The tenderness and love they still demonstrate towards each other after 40 years together has been a major source of inspiration to me.

Early morning we went to the temple where my parents got married 40 years ago. My mom's favorite deity is Perumal - in fact she always talks about how after she visited Him in Tirupati all things in her life fell into place - her career and her marriage. In the temple I gave my mom a gift and a beautiful card which so aptly expressed my feelings. In Indian culture we have a very important saying - Matha, Pitha, Guru, Deivam - which translates into Mother, Father, Guru and God. This elegant phrase captures the holy trinity of sacred love encompassing one's parents, one's teachers and one's God. Parents have an exalted and near-divine status within a person's universe. They are a child's first guardians, teachers and embodiment of divine love.

The card read:

Mom & Dad,

Children seldom understand
the trials their parents face
the dreams deferred, or sacrifices made
until one day when they are grown
with grown up choices, too
and realize the debt they can't repay

Only you two know
all that's gone into your marriage
or how many challenges you've faced
But I know how much I love you
for all that you've done to stay together.

t couldn't hvae been easy
to keep your patience
your sense of humor,
but you have always pulled through.

And in the process you have taught me a lot about
the power of commitment,
the importance of family
and how to get by
in a less-than-perfect world,

I'm very proud of you for that
Happy Anniversary

Being Possessed by Arul

A few days ago I went to Komala Villas for breakfast after visiting the temple early Sat morning. It was unusually crowded at 830am. I had to share a table with another lady. She was in her 60s and had a very kindly face. I sat down with a book intent on not diluting my post-temple spiritual calm. I don't like to chatter after visiting the temple or in the mornings generally. However, she had other ideas. When my food arrived she started chatting with me. I decided to oblige. She asked me whether I have ever seen God. This was a very intense opening line. Especially for a stranger. I asked her what she meant. Was she referring to God coming in my dream or in a vision? She smiled and nodded enthusiastically. She seemed encouraged by the quality of my question. She said dream - have I dreamt of God. I had to reflect for a minute and then say no. She said that recently she had a strong connection with the monkey God Hanuman. And asked me if I related to him. Yes !!! Recently I have been feeling rather close to him. She the went on to share with me her sighting and vision of divine - via a mud giant footprint in her garden and the form of a little boy coming into her home on Thaipusam. I listened intently. I felt there was some reason she felt inspired to share these stories with me.

She also talked about how she was born a Roman Catholic. And how only in her 50s and 60s she started embracing more of the Hindu Gods and Goddess. She also said that her father was a great devotee of Murugan and now at 90 years old he still goes into "Arul." Or trance when he feels Lord Murugan and especially on Thaipusam. Until then I had never heard the word arul used to refer to trance. Also until that point in the conversation she did not ask for my name.

I came home and checked with my mom on an alternative meaning for Arul (beyond the common meaning of divine grace and benevolence). Yes my mom said that Tamils use the word Arul to refer to going into trance. In fact it is one of the most classic uses of the word she said. I was delighted. Indians believe greatly in the power of one's name. In fact we have naming ceremonies for babies and the name of a child is chosen very carefully after much deliberation and consultation with family elders, spiritual teachers or astrologers. A person's name carries within it a deep vibration. And every time the name is used the vibration is imprinted in your cellular level. When God enters your body that is called Arul. So does it mean that I am always infused with the spirit of the divine in a trance like way? I know my dad took my name from an ancient sangam text where the virtues of grace or Arul are seen as one of the key ingredients in life.

Coming back to the breakfast chat. The thing that amazed me about the lady was that she was very calm when sharing all her spiritual experiences with me. I liked the fact that she spoke of spiritual things in a factual and concrete manner. Not in some elevated or holier-than-thou manner. At 63 she said that her spirituality is only deepening. And it was implicit in what she shared that she felt no tension in praying to both Jesus and Murugan. Like me she was a universalist who sought and obtained inspiration from the many rich streams of life that feed one ocean of love.

Wabi Sabi in Durga Temple with Lady D

My former law firm boss, Lady D is a woman who has been a great source of inspiration to me. She was in Singapore a few days ago. She is now based in London. A creative and inspired soul our friendship and professional connection was always a very special one. She laid a strong technical foundation and showed me what it means to be a sound corporate finance and M&A lawyer. I was fortunate to have met her at a critical time in my professional life - when I had just switched from litigation to corporate lawyering.

Lady D was exacting,diligent and an intelligent attorney. Armed with a law degree from Stanford she tolerated no fools. And she inspired some of my best legal work. More importantly she had class and finesse. She dressed and conducted herself with utmost poise and elegance. In their bid to outwit and outsmart the opposing side I have witnessed many lawyers degenerate into crass and cunning human beings. She showed me that law could either bring out your best qualities or your worst. Planting this awareness within me at that time informed, moulded and guided me in a profound way. This lesson and awareness shaped my approach not just to law but to life. To treat our fellow human beings with grace and elegance while we strive to fulfill our personal goals.

But given the intense time pressures that Lady D and I often confronted in the midst of doing multi-million dollar deals our lives and our friendships were compressed. Our friendship hovered at the intellectual level and never had the time to deepen into a more spiritual one. After working with her a few years we parted and went our different ways. We continued to meet occasionally in Singapore and London when out travel schedules permitted.

Recently I took her to the Durga temple in Little India. I was not sure if that would be her kind of thing. She was a sassy Californian. I knew not what faith she practiced. But she was well traveled and widely read. I felt that she would relish being shown an intimate and holy site in Singapore, better known for its shopping malls and urban sprawl. I had taken many many foreign artists, scholars and visitors to this beautiful Kali temple and many of my visitors were deeply moved. I sensed a profound shift in their energies once they step over into the temple. Like a gentle hand had passed over their soul and given them a reprieve from their daily grind. Its a magical experience when you tap into a quiet still place within you. And a temple with its incense, music, chanting and food is an ideal place to transport you into this quiet space within. With Lady D it was no different. She had arrived a little earlier and had spent some time admiring the saris of the temple going ladies. When I arrived we walked silently into the temple and offered our prayers.

Then we sat on the quiet floor and red a beautiful book on Wabi Sabi - the ancient Japanese value system of impermanence and imperfection. The beauty of aging and the transient beauty in nature. When we left the temple Lady D made a very profound observation - how the West values the intellect above the intuition and spiritual. And as a result how many of us become enslaved by logic. In contrast the older civilizations like India respected and celebrate the whole self - the mind-body and spirit. And how that was so very evident in our temple visit today. That was music to my ears. I had managed to transmit the essence of what I saw and felt in the temple to her. So many times I see temple guides cheapening the temple visit by focusing on the non-essentials. And flooding the new comer/tourists with cultural trivia and souvenirs. I wanted to share a spiritual experience. I wanted to share something elevated and poignant that I always felt in holy spaces like temples. And to share this I stripped away alot of the temple trivia. Words got in the way. Silence allowed my guests absorb the feeling and vibrations in the place. My role is to facilitate connections, not dictate rules or my spiritual preferences.

Celebrating George Hedges

Today morning I woke up and wore all black. Black is something you never wear to the temple. Its inauspicious. Tight t-shirts are also not something you wore to the Indian temples. But I was celebrating my mentor and great friend George Hedges. I was celebrating Kali - the goddess of death and destruction. I was celebrating my deep ties to Los Angeles where some of my best memories reside. I was celebrating the cool and beautiful black. In all its power. So like a blank panther I slipped out of my house this morning dressed in a too-tight black T-shirt and tight black jeans. I looked like I was going clubbing. Yes, I was going to celebrate George Hedges and all that he had achieved up to the age of 57.

George died on full moon night - a few days ago. A night where celestial beings are out and about. For Indians it was pournami - an auspicious night. In Singapore 10 March 2009 was a beautiful moonlit night. George died after bravely battling melanoma for 7 months. During that 7 months I spoke to him a couple of times on the phone. He always always ended the call by thanking me. Thanking me for calling him. I was brave. It was difficult sometimes for me to talk with a smile in my voice when tears were streaming down my cheeks. But obviously George was braver. Yeah, he was bigger, faster, smarter and more insightful than any man I had come across. The LA Times paid a tribute to him calling him a celebrity lawyer and the man who discovered the lost city of Uber. He was truly a Renaissance Man.

To me he was my friend, mentor and former law firm boss. Someone who had taken a real interest in me. Someone who had taken me out for quick lunch to counsel me while he was in the middle of a high profile trial - defending LA's top agent, Ed Limato. I remember he sharing his research briefly with me - how he had managed to hunt down an obscure piece of California legislation that had a 7 year time cap on contracts with unique talents. This he explained with great enthusiasm might be all that he needed to win his case. He talked about the joy of defending artists and talents in a ruthless entertainment industry. It was wonderful to see his passion and love for the law. In his hands law was a benign tool for good.

Today when I went to the temple Durga looked super special. Like she knew I was coming to pay my tribute to George. Decked from head to toe in fresh jasmine flowers I had never seen her so resplendent. My jaw dropped. I had always been inspired by her beauty and strength. Today in her white floral attire she was quiet peace and divine beauty. Like a bride in white. Durga's priest as usual was very happy to see me. He welcomed me warmly. I did not tell him about George. I just silently lit two lamps for George and placed one lamp before Durga and one lamp before Kali. When I finished praying I told the priest how beautiful the Goddess Durga looked today. The priest looked at me matter-of-fact and said "Just like you." I was taken aback by such a personal comment. But I had just prayed that George's beauty and light continue to live in my heart and shine in my deeds. Durga & Kali seemed to have heard my prayers. Loud and clear.

3 Roses for Trisula Goddess

Photo by Jenni Michelson
Today it so happened that my mom picked three beautiful roses from her garden for me to take to Durga. As I left with the roses I realized how the number three is so very significant in Hinduism. Our holy trinity - Brahma (creator), Vishnu (preserver) and Shiva (destroyer) comprises of three major Gods. The three goddess who represent the Shakti or feminine energy - Lakshimi, Saraswati and Durga. The Trisula, the weapon that Durga holds has three prongs. The Saiva symbol consists of three horizontal srtipes on the forehead of the deity. There are many other examples of three in temple iconography and Hindu worship.

Even numbers are generally considered inauspicious in Indian culture. Odd numbers are considered auspicious. So in many Hindu rites I see 5 lamps being lit. 9 vegetables being used to prepare food etc etc. So today it was three roses for my Goddess.

Roses for Durga

Today is Valentine's Day. And I decided to pay the Goddess Durga a visit. To me She embodies love, beauty and divinity. She is multi-layered and multi-faceted. With her 18 arms you can see a face that radiates fearless courage, beauty, peace, erotic love, tender-hearted mother-love, the peaceful warrior and the supreme Goddess. How is that possible? Seeing her you will feel it. Instantly. As a devotee your spiritual attunement and maturity would also dictate how many of these multiple personalities you are able to connect with. It took me a long time to come to Durga. I found her too complex and inaccessible when I was younger. She was filled with contradictions and stories. But now I feel she resonates so strongly with so many parts of me.

There are many Durgas in many temples in Singapore. However, this Durga at the Veerama Kaliamman temple is my favorite Goddess in Singapore. She is super tall and stands on a bull and has a fierce lion behind her. Both these animals also radiate a certain magnetism and realism. If you stand in front of the altar long enough and connect with them - you can almost feel them come alive. And that adds to the vibration of the deity.

Today I took three beautiful red roses from my mother's garden for her. There is something deeply special about growing your own flowers in your house for the Goddess. I feel like a part of me is in that fragile rose. And offering that home grown rose to her is an act of my creation and devotion. The rose is a culmination of many weeks of disciplined watering and tending to the rose bush. Durga was also wearing a beautiful heart -shaped jasmine garland on her chest. HA !!! HA !! I am not sure if the priest knew if this was Saint Valentine's Day too -but it was nice to see Durga with a heart-shaped garland.

Today I also decided to do an archana for a couple - an old friend of my father's - who symbolize deep love and devotion for each other. And who been with each other through thick and thin for over 35 years of marriage. This couple to me represents divine love. Love in action. Not flashy glamor love. Not extreme declarations of love. Not passionate hot steamy love. Not youthful good time love. But love that is grounded in daily service and commitment. Love that has seen them overcome many trials and tribulations. And share much beauty and joy in their journey of life. When I wished the lady Happy Valentine's Day she said with a smile and in a rather matter of fact way that everyday is Valentine's Day for her and her husband.

And when I took Durga's archana to them this morning the husband told me a beautiful story about love and devotion. He said that alot of Western literature urges one to follow your passion and follow your desire. Indulge. Live and be happy. But he said that this kind of thinking is dangerous. This kind of advice is the root of much unhappiness in marriage and why marriages break down. If a man cannot learn to grow and love his wife in new ways as the wife grows and ages, then he is trapped in a cycle of novelty. He will constantly try to recreate the first flush of love that he had during the honeymoon with his wife via extra-marital affairs. However, if a man learns to look within himself and deepen his love for his wife as she goes through motherhood and middle age he has managed to conquer his lower self and open himself up to a deeper and more profound love. And thereby lay a path to greater maturity, depth and nobility in his life. Beautiful. The essence of true love.

Chant, Trance & Thaipusam Dance

Starting at the stroke of midnight on 7 Feb, Hindus in Singapore will start the Thaipusam procession. Thaipusam one of the most revered celebrations among Singapore Hindus is celebrated with guts and glory by Hindus from all walks of life. Thaipusam celebrates the birthday of Tamil God - Lord Murugan. Thaipusam is steeped in mythology and symbolism and is a festival with much depth, discipline, grace and beauty.

This year's Thaipusam falls on Sunday - so you can expect huge crowds. The Chetti Pusam - a smaller and more intimate version of the Thaipusam is celebrated on the day before Thaipusam - on the evening of 7 Feb. This is a beautiful way to pay homage to Lord Murugan too. One of my most memorable Thaipusams is carrying a pot of milk and walking the 4km route from Perumal Temple to Murugan Temple at midnight with other devotees. It was a peaceful and a magical night. Many of those who walked with me were chanting the name of the Lord and saying mantras quietly under their breadth. This is in sharp contrast to the carnival like atmosphere during the day and as the night progresses. Thaipusam is a 24 hour event starting on 8 Feb 2008 - at midnight of 7 Feb and ending at the stroke of midnight of 8 Feb. To experience the spectrum of emotions and spiritual import track the event over the 24 hour period. It changes drastically from intense devotion to a circus/party atmosphere as the day unfolds. There seems to be an inverse co-relation between the type of devotee and the time of the day. As a general rule of thumb the most devout seem to prefer the wee hours of 8 Feb - at the stroke of midnight.

In Singapore Thaipusam has become a massive celebration and some what of a media circus with many non-Hindus and tourists gawking at the Kavadi pierced devotees. There is MUCH misunderstanding surrounding Thaipusam. The divine and sacred ritual that it is often lost. Part of this could be because for a small handful of Indians, Thaipusam has become a macho endeavor. Think hip hop Hindu ritual style - where the event becomes one grand testosterone charged event for repressed and rebellious young Indian men and women. Where each guy competes with another guy on the size and weight of his kavadi and the number of spikes that he can pierce. And how many gals he can draw to his kavadi to pay homage to him. Many of these kavadi parties bring their own Indian rap music. Unfortunately they tend to attract the most attention from the onlookers and many walk away thinking that the event is entirely divorced from its spiritual significance.

However for many other HIndus Thaipusam is a deeply sacred religious observation. Many Hindus fast for months before the event, sleep on the floor and are strictly celibate during this period. I have seen some of the most intense faces of devotion and deep acts of bhakti during Thaipusum. Thaipusam is not just physically demanding. One truly has to confront one's fears where one is being pierced with 108 spikes and then has to walk barefoot on hot tar road under the hot sun in Singapore for 4km. It is also spiritually demanding in one's ability to trust that the divine will protect and take you over your limitations and transcend your physical and mental limitations. I have seen young men take a vow to Lord Murugan praying for miraculous cures for their parents (sometimes afflicted with illness) and older men (in their 60s) take the kavadi as a life-long commitment to the divine. This demands a tremendous amount of faith and discipline and stamina.

Many of the devotees also go into trance especially at the end of the 4km route where the vibration in the temple at the main sanctum is incredibly charged. This can be rather intimidating and scary as the kavadis are huge and the dancing can be intense. But it is also beautiful to experience as I have seen amazing dances by kavadi bearers in trance. And you can see that they are entirely lost to this world and have been transported to another powerful place. Its also an opportunity for the onlooker to release his/her fear and surrender to the divine energies swirling in the temple grounds.

As a documenter or a cultural observer I urge you to look deeper and look for the beautiful stories of the triumph of the human spirit and the acts of divine grace during Thaipusam. And if possible get close and personal - follow a kavadi bearer from the time of piercing and accompany the kavadi bearer on his 4km route. Say positive things to keep his spirit up and support him. Be part of the event - not merely capturing it. And most importantly keep him in the Divine Zone - don't bother him with intellectual or theoretical questions or ask about his motivations. Don't do your homework at the event. Do it at home or after the event by getting his contact particulars from him!! Soak up the atmosphere and capture the faces radiating with love for the divine. And as an act of reciprocity for having shared the event with you do send the kavadi bearer whatever photos or video footage you took. That would be deeply appreciated and would open up the door for many other conversations.

Robert Wilson's Black Panther

Recently I went to the National Museum of Singapore to check out a photographic installation by Robert Wilson. Robert Wilson's work always intrigued me. His set design for theatrical productions and the way he works across disciplines always opens up my mind. I also love going to the National Museum - as the architecture of the National Museum never fails to inspire and move me. So seeing a interesting artist in such a space was a treat indeed. The exhibition by Robert Wilson was powerful. I loved the way Wilson extended the boundaries of what portraits and video/photography is about. Yes, there were images of Brat Pitt etc but the one image that really drew me in was that of a black panther. It was so still, so powerful and so deeply moving. Its intense green eyes and its shining black coat were mesmerizing. The fact that the image was in a dark room by itself made it almost come alive. As I stood there watching the panther I felt danger. I felt that any moment he might spring out at me. But beyond danger I sensed beauty. A fierce beauty. A beauty that was rooted in strength, speed and agility. Not makeup and man made design. Pure unadulterated work of nature beautifully captured and presented by Robert Wilson. God's work in all its pure magnificence. It also reminded me of all the divine animals in the temples and how HIndus see animals as God's companions and vahana (transportation). The link between the divine and the Lord was powerfully reinforced in this image.

Ganesha Chant - Chanting for the Divine

"What an amazing fusion of celtic vocals and chants, with a superb Singaporean Chinese drummer in a Hindu temple. A true melting of cultures that reached the sublime" Kal Almkhlaafy. Kal was documenting the event on video and is a professor at a local college.

Sita's concert, produced by Studio Arul, was designed to pay homage to all the major deities in the venue of her performance - the Shiva temple in Singapore. The customary practice was to start with a Ganesha chant. And Sita faithfully followed this tradition after a brief invocatory offering to her guru. We also designed the concert to pay tribute to a great Indian poet - Tagore who had written beautiful poetry to the divine. Tagore was the first Indian to win the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913.

This kirtan is dedicated to Ganesha, the remover of obstacles. This first piece set the tone and vibration for the rest of the evening as Sita floated above the crowd like an angel with a powerful voice and presence. The audience slowly started to lose their inhibitions and towards the end of the evening were chanting in full swing with Sita. All inhibitions lost. Shiva's energy took over and any artificial divide between the artist, audience and the divine dissolved in a sea of chanting.

I was particularly touched to see that Sita placed the picture of her guru Neem Karoli Baba on the stage facing her in a small makeshift altar with some flowers and candle. She later shared with me that her spirit of her guru guided her throughout the concert and she always felt his presence with her. Beautiful. I think keeping a visual reminder of your guru not only inspires you but also reminds you of your sacred duty to carry forth the lineage with great respect.

Opening the Eyes of the Divine

Recently my cousin from Perth told me about his daily abhishagam to his Devi statute. A beautiful annalakshmi. He told me how he bathed her, dressed her with flowers and silk sari and how he finally drew her eyes in liquid eyeliner. He said that drawing the eyes was the most significant and important part. It was opening the eyes of the divine. The Goddess will hear you, see you and grant your wishes if you open her eyes with eyeliner. This activates the statute and imbues it with life and thereby inspires the devotee and aids in intensifying one's prayer. The more one can feel the divine in his or her heart the stronger and deeper her faith. He also explained how doing this daily abhishagam has become an excellent discipline for him. It had helped him focus and direct his energies in the world much better. It had brought him closer to God through prayer. A ritual that has personal meaning and resonance can become a powerful tool for growth and transformation. When you discover and connect with a higher vibration through rituals you are more attuned to recognizing the sacred in other areas of your life. Blindly performing rituals on the other hand has exactly the opposite effect. Going thru the motions in any area of your life without connecting to it can ultimately strip any act of its meaning - no matter how profound and pure the initial intentions were. Rituals are essentially pathways into discipline in all areas of your life. They demonstrate the power of repetition and the subtle but profound changes that can arise from repeating something. Rituals if integrated intelligently in our lives can give us strength, hope and a meditative tranquility to our lives.

Repetition as a Route to Excellence

My diary tells me that I have been lighting lamps for Durga since March 2008 every Tue. It has been 8 months since I started this Tue morning rituals and my how profoundly has this ritual changed me. On the superficial level the act of lighting lamps has become incredibly effortless. When I first started in March I was super irritated with the ghee melting while I lit the tray. The heat generated from a tray full of lighted lamps and the awkwardness in lighting the lamps from a single big Annapachi Lamp and carefully navigating the throng of devotees while ensuring that I don't set fire to my clothes, to myself or to my fellow worshippers. It took me extreme concentration and careful navigation to finish 9 rounds around durga while focussing on my prayer and spiritual goals. Today the situation has remarkably changed. The entire process is seamless and effortless. And I did not even aim for this state of affairs. My goal was not to be the most elegant lamp carrier in the temple. No I had more modest goals - that I can wake up early every morning and get to the temple on time before rushing off to work. But through a consistent practice I reaped so many other rewards including a great friendship with the priests as well as the friend who accompanied me to the temple every morning. Without their support my motivation would have tanked tremendously and I am not sure if I would have continued this ritual. The consistent Tue morning visits to the temple have now become the spiritual highlight of my week. They have also taught me in a very subtle and powerful ways the power of repetition. And repetition as the route to excellence. Just like dance the body, mind and spirit come together harmoniously without any concerted effort to pay homage to a higher power. And to remind you of the power of faith, practice and consistency inevitably leads you to elegant results way beyond your expectations.

Altar for the Artists

Recently I went to celebrate Deepavali at a friend's house. She was throwing a Deepavali party and had invited a wonderful tabla player and her cousin an amateur singer to perform at her house. The place where this performance was to take place was marked out by a carpet. House parties and home entertainment are always a tough act to follow. It is very difficult to get the guests to sit and pay attention since they are there to "party" and socialize. Secondly it is very difficult to focus the energy on the makeshift stage as not everyone recognizes it to as a performance space. Thirdly most people don't come for a show - they come to eat and be merry. So combining the two in an Indian context and outside India can present certain challenges.

At my friend's house a shabby carpet with wires crisscrossing all over it to support the mike and related sound equipment for the tabla player and singer was the designated "stage." Needless to say this was not apparent to many folks especially when the singer and musician were not sitting and performing on it. So a little kid with shoes made the mistake of running across the carpet. And the host exploded. And the father of the little white kid was taken rather aback and so were some of the other non-Indian guests as they didn't understand why a carpet commanded such a reaction.

For Indian artists and in particular Indian classical artists the stage is holy ground - a deeply sacred space. It is like an altar. Stepping onto the stage with shoes is like stepping into the temple with shoes. Its is deeply offensive. An Indian stage is where sacred arts are showcased to please the Gods. It is not merely a functional space. This obviously is in sharp contrast to the Western notion of stage and the treatment of performance venues.

I love the way the Indian artists look at the stage and treat it with such reverence. Such an attitude enhances the experience for both the performer and the audience. The fact that the stage is a sacred space is an idea worth spreading and exploring deeper. It also could help explain why Indian classical artists are incredibly reticent about performing at certain venues like clubs and other rowdy spaces where they feel that the spirit of the sacred is missing. Hence many traditional artists feel deeply offended if alcohol, meat or drugs are consumed in the vicinity of their performance space. All these are considered major pollutants which lower the vibration of a person and the space that he inhabits. The ideal venue for many traditional indian artists is the temple and similar sacred spaces. Many artists also feel that they dishonor their lineage, their guru and their beloved art if they perform in certain venues and for certain occasions which they deem unsavory. This is a deeply personal and values-ridden matter and the views about Indian artists vary broadly with commercial pressures often dictating their choices especially for lesser-known Indian artists who are trying to break into the big league.

Dancing in the Temple Again

Last night I performed at the Sri Mariamman temple. It was a divine experience. I was totally in my element. It had been quite a while since I had done a full length show (7 pieces without any intermission) and I had my doubts re: stamina and energy levels. But wow - indian dancing is like wine - one really does get better with age. At 36 after 32 years of dancing I never felt better. My body felt like a superb and finely tuned engine. All the leaps and bounds came effortlessly. The abhinaya flowed authentically. There was no trying last night for me. I was in flow. Total and intense surrender to the moment and a sense of effortlessness.

Part of it was the audience. Dancing is an exchange of energy. When you have a intelligent and passionate audience that hangs onto every curve in your body or every arch of your eyebrow and responds with great appreciation, you feel it. You take that energy and then feed it back to the audience with greater depth and beauty. Dance is a dialogue. And the key is to speak to the audience with your eyes, body and most importantly your heart. But overarching this conversation is the the conversation with the Gods. Dancing in a temple where the divine vibration is intense and where one is surrounded by priests and other holy devotees, you tap into this higher energy and that allows you to channel the divine. And the audience last night could feel that. Many came up to me and told me why they were moved by my performance. They felt that the Goddess herself was dancing. Maybe she was - through me. I lent her my body voluntarily and trusted that she will take me places she needed to take me. Last night movement was truly a form of prayer. A deep and powerful act of meditation. And that is the beauty of the solo artist - if she is able to tap into this higher vibration and take her audience with her to a communal trance, then there is really no need for cheap tricks and elaborate set designs.

To all my friends and well wishers who came to the temple last night -thank you. And hope that last night was as special for you as it was for me. I am truly inspired to keep on dancing.

Devotional Dance - Whirling Dervishes

A few days ago I went to see the Whirling Dervishes perform in Singapore. I was super excited - I love the mystic poetry of Rumi and I wanted to see how Sufi dancers interpreted it in movement. I was disappointed. And disturbed. Disappointed because the show suffered from all the common problems that a traditional dance theatre makes when it is trying to reach a modern audience. They make the mistake that the audience is dumb and not culturally aware. So they gave a 30min super boring slide show presentation about Rumi and the whirling dervishes. Excuse me - did I come for a lecture? Isn't there more imaginative ways to weave this information into the show? Why was so little thought given to the design of the show? So after 30mins of preachy narrative and bad imagery the ritual artists, musicians and dancers came onto the stage. Finally. I was ready for something deeply moving, hypnotic and transcendental. Just like some of the finest indian classical dancers that I have seen in India. There is an immediacy to the movement and to their yearning to unite with God. It crosses all linguistic and cultural barriers. But this was not my experience here. The performers seemed rather indifferent and uninspired. Low energy levels too. The entire spiritual dimension seemed to be missing. They all just looked solemn and serious. But not at the higher plane I expected them to be. I was also disturbed because it was unclear to me if this indifference to their ritual art was the result of theatre exposure. Maybe when they did it purely as a form of prayer they were far more intensely connected to the Divine. So not all ritual and ritual artists can crossover - ie carry the energy from temples or mosques to the theatre. Some had best remain in their places of worship.